Category: Mental Health

Posted on

What to do When Your Kid Won’t go to School

I have a kid who really struggles some mornings with wanting to go to school. Once he is there, he’s happy, helpful, and eager to learn. He has friends, gets along with everyone, and loves his teacher. It’s just the getting him there that is hard. I mean, I get it. Staying home and relaxing is pretty inviting— especially on these cold mornings! This particular child has struggled with this since preschool. I love that he wants to be home and wants to be around me, but I also know the importance of school. There is so much he gets from school that he wouldn’t get at home hanging out while mom works and does laundry. 

Last week I had to run something over to my preschooler at the school. I mentioned to the preschool teacher that I was frustrated with my second grader for refusing to come to school that day. She knew exactly what I was talking about— he was in her class when he was a preschooler, and she remembered many mornings when he fought going to her class. Without hesitation, she sprung into action. She asked who is current teacher is, and told me she would get in touch with her and make a plan. 

Today, I got an email describing a plan they had created that would hopefully help encourage my son to more willingly go to school. For every day that he goes to school without a fight, he gets to check off a box on a chart. Once he has filled in five boxes, he will get to spend 20 minutes in the preschool class helping the teacher and students. It’s brilliant! He is totally pumped about this plan, and is especially excited that he will get to go help in the preschool when his younger brother is there. It’s a win-win all around!

Now, I know this story is about my child, but I also know that I’m not the only parent who has a kid who struggles to want to go to school. I know my son’s teacher isn’t the only teacher who is trying to help their student feel loved and supported at school. I also know that coming up with a solution or a plan can feel overwhelming. Sometimes you don’t know where to start. 

So what do you do with a student or child who just doesn’t want to go to school? Below are a few ideas and steps to take if you find yourself in this situation!

  • First, find out why there is hesitation to go to school— are they being bullied? Are they scared or worried? Do they not understand what they’re being taught? Do they just really like to be at home? Are their favorite pants dirty and they don’t know what to wear? Did they forget to do their homework and are afraid of getting in trouble?
  • Once you identify the why, determine if the teacher needs to be involved. Obviously if there is bullying or curriculum concerns happening, contacting the teacher is crucial. 
  • Figure out what will motivate your child/student.
    • Create a sticker chart and work toward a reward.
    • Give the child a role or purpose at school that they need to be present for. 
    • Allow your child to take a “brave buddy” with them in their backpack— a small stuffy or object that will help them feel brave. 
    • Purchase or create some kind of matching bracelet or necklace— one for them to wear and one for you to wear so they can feel connected to you while they are away.
    • If you’re comfortable with it, draw a small heart or smiley face on one hand, and one on your child’s hand. Remind them that if they feel sad or miss you while they’re at school, they can look at or touch the little drawing and remember that you love them. 
  • Offer positive reinforcement and feedback! Praise your child for being brave and doing something that is hard for them. Make sure they know you are proud of them, and help them to feel proud of themselves.
  • Always listen to your intuition. Parents know their children best, and generally can tell if something is amiss. 

Having a child who fights going to school can be hard. It can be frustrating. I get it. But it is worth the fight to get them to school. Education is so important, and the earlier kids can understand that importance, the better!

Posted on

Parent Involvement and its Benefits

There are many different types of parents/guardians. They can range from the completely uninterested and uninvolved to the epitome of a helicopter parent, and everywhere in between. I don’t think there’s one “right” or “wrong” way to parent; everyone has their own style, and it often varies from kid to kid. There are obviously parents who are on the extreme ends of the spectrum, but I think that as long as you’re providing your children with the essentials— food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, and love— and not harming them, you’re doing a-okay. 

But I’m not here to tell you how to parent, or even to offer parenting tips and strategies. I’ll leave that to the parenting experts. I will, however, explore how parental involvement, or lack thereof, can impact a child. There are a lot of things that contribute to a child’s success and confidence, and parental involvement is pretty high up on that list. Before we dive into the why behind it, I want to add a disclaimer that I know not all kids have a parent present in their lives. I understand that all families are different. For the purposes of this article, I will use the term “parent” to describe any adult who is a guardian or caregiver to a child, in any capacity. 

Having the support of a parent figure can, and does, positively impact how a child performs in many areas of their life. Knowing that there is an adult who loves and supports them gives a child an increased sense of safety, belonging, confidence, and assurance. It’s similar to a tightrope walker knowing there is a safety net under them; they know if they fall, there will be something there to catch them and keep them safe. Kids who have positive adult supports know that there is someone there to catch them and help them. Being a child’s safety net is an important role. 

In my experience as a teacher, I noticed a large discrepancy between my students who had little to no parental support and those that did have parental support. I’m sure you can guess, but my students who didn’t have much support at home struggled academically. They often had lower grades, would struggle to keep up and learn the material, and often would be disorganized, unkempt, and would also frequently have behavior problems. On the other hand, students who did have parental support typically had higher grades, a more positive attitude, and less behavior problems. 

As I’ve thought about the why behind these discrepancies, I’ve realized that there’s not just one reason why parent involvement can impact a child so deeply. But what I do know is that if a child has someone at home who doesn’t show interest in what’s going on at school and isn’t aware of what’s happening in and out of school, that child is more likely to stop caring as well. If there isn’t anyone at home to answer to, many children see that as an opportunity to give minimal effort. I believe that often times, these decisions to not try or to act out in school or other areas are cries for help— a cry that they hope will gain any amount of attention from their parental figure(s). 

The reasons parents might not be involved can vary just as much as the types of parents out there. Some parents might not be involved by choice. Perhaps their parents didn’t care much about their academic success, and they choose to continue the cycle with their own kids. Involvement requires effort, and for some parents, it’s an effort that is beyond what they can or want to put forth. Other parents might find themselves in the midst of things out of their control— things like health problems or work responsibilities— and may wish that they were able to be more involved and present. Parents who have been pulled away from their children due to custody issues, incarceration, or other legal issues can find it difficult to be involved with their kids. Whatever the reason, these examples of lack of involvement can all have a negative impact on a child’s success to one degree or another. 

On the other hand, there are parents who are actively involved in their child’s life. They are at parent-teacher conferences, performances, games, concerts, appointments, and programs. They ask questions and are aware of the who, what, where, when, and whys of their child’s life. They help with homework and take interest in what they child is learning at school. They know about the report they are writing for English or the experiment they did in Biology that day. They chat with their kids while they make dinner, fold laundry, or drive to practice. The kids of these parents know that their parent(s) have their backs, and that they are willing to put forth the effort to help them succeed; those efforts are reflected in grades, confidence, and attitude. 

Now, I understand that not all parents are able to be involved in every second of their child’s life. I know that not all parents can make it to every game or performance. This doesn’t make them a bad parent. It doesn’t make them uninvolved. You can be an involved parent without being physically present at every event. Involvement looks different for every person. For some, it does mean attending everything. For others, it means asking questions and being aware. It can look like helping with homework in the evening. It can even look like a FaceTime call during an award assembly. You don’t have to be a helicopter parent to be involved. BUT— you do have to put forth some effort to be an active part of your child’s life. 

However you choose or are able to be involved in the life of your child, make it count. Make sure your child knows you support them, love them, care for them, and are there for them. Foster positive relationships, and you will create a bond that is strong between you and your child. No parent is perfect, and no parent can be to all the things all the time. But if there is a little effort involved, your child will feel it, and the positive impact will make itself known for years to come. 

Posted on

The Mid-Year Slump and Your Reasons for Teaching

The mid-year slump. You know what I’m talking about: motivation (for you and your students) seems to be declining, the weather is warming up and giving you a little tease of Spring Break, you’re tired of repeating the same instructions 50 times a day, and you’re getting really worn out from the incessant behavior problems that the same few students seem to bring with them. Some days it feels like you’re stuck in the movie Groundhog Day, on a never-ending repeat of the same shenanigans day after day. It’s exhausting. Some days you just want to quit and try again next year. 

I’ve been there. I get it. I know how frustrating it can be and how long the days start to feel. But I also know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there are things you can do now to avoid feeling blah about the rest of the school year. One of those is to remember your “why.” You know, the reason you decided to become a teacher in the first place! The reason you are doing what you’re doing. 

The “why” can and does vary from person to person. I don’t think many teachers will claim it’s the pay that made them want to be a teacher— it’s no secret just how underpaid and overworked teachers are! I also don’t think many teachers would say that it was all the red tape, policies, and micromanaging that got them into the profession. It also likely wouldn’t be because you enjoy being on your feet all day with minimal bathroom breaks and a super short lunch. No, those can’t be the reasons. There’s certainly got to be more to it. Knowing that the above listed are natural parts of the job of a teacher, there’s most definitely a driving force behind becoming an educator.

Perhaps you wanted to share your passion for your content area. You just love the quadratic formula and calculating probability, reading and writing, the process of photosynthesis, a particular method of painting, or the history of European nations, and you wanted to share that excitement with young people. Whatever your content area, you know that it’s the best, and you want to spend your career helping others learn about it. 

Maybe you became a teacher because you were greatly impacted by one of your former teachers, and they inspired you to teach. Certain teachers can leave a lasting impression on your heart and mind, and that impression can motivate you to emulate that teacher. It’s possible that you were a young person who desperately needed a positive adult role model, and that came in the form of a teacher, and you now want to be that teacher for someone else.

Another reason people teach is to help shape and inspire the rising generation. You saw the teachers in movies like Akeelah and the Bee, Freedom Writers, Dead Poets Society, or Dangerous Minds, and you could see yourself being that person. You could see yourself being the adult that these young kids could rely on and look up to. You wanted to be a positive influence in their lives, and wanted to teach them more than academic concepts. 

Perhaps you became a teacher because you think kids are awesome, and you love to learn from them every day. Let’s face it: kids and teens are the best (most of the time at least). They are funny, smart, and innovative. They know how to boost your mood and mindset. Their natural curiosity is inspiring. They are energetic and fun to be around. Their comments and view on life can be profound. 

Whatever your reason for becoming an educator, it’s crucial to hang on to that “why” for the days that are just plain tough, and for the weeks and months that seem to drag on and on. Remembering your “why” can pull you out of a slump and re-motivate you to put a smile back on your face and finish the year with gusto. Sometimes we lose sight of the reasons we love what we do, but we can always remember and can use it to propel us forward. Because after all, teaching really is the greatest profession on the planet.

Posted on

The Wonder of Sleep

There are certain things that are essential for our bodies to have in order for them to function as they should: water, food, and sleep. Without these three things, our bodies would simply not work. Food and water fuel us and give us the nutrients, energy, and hydration we need to keep going. While sleep doesn’t provide us with nutrients, it is still essential to our survival. Children and teens, especially, need sleep. But why is it such an essential element of our survival? Let’s talk about it!

Sleep is beneficial for so many reasons. I know I personally function much better when I’ve had a good night’s rest, and I know my kids do too. I often wonder why my kids fight bed time with all they have, and find myself thinking that one day, they will realize just how amazing sleep is! 

Brain Development

Sleep is absolutely essential for brain development. During sleep, the brain is able to sort through the day’s happenings, save what it needs to, and delete what it doesn’t. Hormones that promote growth and repair are also released during sleep. Since the brain continues to develop and mature into early adulthood (I’m looking at you, frontal lobe!), sleep is incredibly important for children and teens. 

Cognitive Function

Have you ever tried to read, do math, think through things, or do really anything that requires any amount of focus on little sleep? Did it go well for you? Getting good sleep plays a big role in the brain’s ability to function cognitively. Proper sleep helps children’s brains to be able to process and understand information, retain what is learned, and focus on the task at hand. All of those things are part of their daily lives, especially once they are in school. 

Physical Function and Growth

Trying to do physical activity when you aren’t well rested is hard. Movements are sluggish and energy is low. Sleep also plays a big role in physical growth and development. During rest periods, the body is hard at work, growing, developing, and changing. 

Emotional Function

I don’t know about your kids, but with less sleep, my kids are an emotional mess! And let’s be honest, so am I. Lack of sleep can create a perfect storm for increased emotions, less patience, and increased anxiety. It is harder for kids to regulate their emotions when they are tired. Everything seems to be exaggerated when they are tired. Sleep is an excellent sanity saver!

Immune System Function

Sleep does wonders for the body’s ability to fight off infections and illnesses. When a person is asleep, the body is able to go to work repairing, healing, and fighting off the bad guys. Have you ever noticed that you get sick easier when you haven’t been getting enough sleep? Or that when you are sick, you just want to sleep all the time? Kids are the same way. Sleep is a natural way to heal the body. More sleep = healthier kids, and that’s something we all want!

Sleep is so much more than a cozy bed and rest. It is essential for the body to function at its fullest. Kids and teens who are still growing and developing especially need sleep to allow their bodies to grow and develop like they need to. Without sleep, I think we’d have a bunch of groggy, grumpy, brain-fog plagued kids on our hands. And I can’t think of one teacher or parent who wants that for their kids! Sleep is crucial, and does amazing things for us!

Posted on

Student Food Pantries and Wellness Rooms: A Beacon of Light

It’s no secret that it’s downright hard to be a kid or teen in today’s world. There are so many things pulling for their attention and time, and basic needs shouldn’t be something they need to worry about. But for many kids, obtaining basic necessities are a cause of worry. Families experiencing financial hardship, homelessness, or domestic abuse, among other things, often have a difficult time providing the most basic human needs— food, clothing, hygiene items, and laundry facilities. 

No one should have to go without these things. Thankfully, many schools across the nation have implemented in-school food pantries and wellness rooms— a place students can go, free of charge, no questions asked, to get the things they need. 

These pantries provide snacks and other foods that students can take home with them so they don’t have to go hungry. Many schools offer both non-perishable and perishable foods and ingredients to prepare basic meals. 

One high school in Utah went a step further than just providing food and set up a teen room, which they call The Hub. Students can make an appointment to visit The Hub and can get food, hygiene items (soap, shampoo, toothbrush/paste, feminine hygiene products, and deodorant), clothing (socks, underwear/bras, shirts, and pants), and household items (toilet paper, paper towels, washcloths, towels, and blankets). They even have a washer and dryer on site for students to do their laundry during school hours. 

In addition to providing for the physical needs of their students, this high school also has a wellness room where students can go if they need a break and need to calm down. It’s a quiet place for students to regroup, do homework, or relax. What an amazing resource for these students! In a time of life when there are so many uncertainties and stressors, this school has seen a need and has sought to alleviate some stress for its students in need. 

This school is not the only school that hosts a program like this; they are just one example of the good that is out there and the love and concern for today’s youth. Thankfully, rooms like this seem to be on the rise as more and more schools become increasingly aware of the number of students whose physical needs are not being met. We know that when physical needs are met, other needs thrive too.

These programs and rooms are largely operated via donations and generosity from the public. Some schools work in connection with local food pantries and coalitions. Whatever the source of the necessities, it is heartwarming to see individuals and businesses share their resources to care for the youth in their communities. 

To find out if there are schools in your area that have programs or resources to combat food insecurity, contact your local food bank or local schools. 

Posted on

Overbooked and stressed out: Are we doing our kids a disservice?

Every parent wants to raise confident, well rounded children. We want to give our children the growing up experience they deserve. So many parents want their children to play a sport, learn a musical instrument, be at the top of their class, and be involved in other school sponsored extra curricular activities. And while all of these activities are good things to want your child to be involved in, at what cost does that involvement come? Are we overbooking our children, causing them to be stressed out and too busy? 

There are many benefits to having your child involved in extra curricular activities. Those activities can teach children things that just can’t be taught as well in the classroom— things like how to be a good sport, being part of a team, and how to manage your time effectively. Friendships can form. Kids can learn to be disciplined and what it takes to improve at something. Music lessons can help students in their academic studies and can boost creativity. Martial arts can help kids learn self defense, respect, and determination. Extra curricular activities are also a great way to boost confidence in children and teens. They can see their hard work pay off and they can feel good about their accomplishments. 

But what happens when the extra “stuff” becomes too much? Parents want their children to be involved and to develop their talents, but it often comes at a cost. Kids need time to just be kids. They need time to decompress from their day, and need a chance to slow down. If they are overbooked with extra activities and responsibilities, those chances to slow down become few and far between. Oftentimes, we see academic success and progress suffering at the hand of too many extra curricular activities. Opportunities for non-extracurricular social interaction lessen. Sleep deprivation can come into play when students are so overbooked that they don’t get to their homework until late at night, which then can bleed into poor academic performance because their young brains are not functioning at full capacity when they are already tired and overworked, not to mention the toll that poor sleep habits have on cognitive function during the daytime. 

I am constantly in awe and disbelief at the teenagers in my neighborhood. They are all doing incredible things, and it is remarkable to see their talents bloom. That being said, I know it comes at a great cost. One girl a few houses down from me is a competitive dancer. After school most days of the week, she heads from school to home, just to turn around and head to the dance studio for the next few hours of her night. On Wednesdays, she finishes dance at 6:30, then promptly heads to her church congregation’s youth activity for the week, which usually lasts until 8-8:30. Once that is over, she can head home and do her homework and get some down time before heading to bed just to start it all over again the next morning. I’m exhausted just writing this! 

I don’t know if there are any easy solutions to this dilemma. What I do know is that young minds are precious and should be treated with care. It is essential to find a decent balance between being involved and being too involved. For some families, that may look like cutting out extra curricular activities all together. For others, it might mean cutting back on how many extra activities they are involved in, or maybe cutting back from participating in competitive teams and sticking only to school or city recreation teams. Some families may have magically figured out the perfect routine and balance that works for them (lucky!). 

Whatever the case may be, there is much to be considered when putting children and teens into extra curricular activities. There really isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. But one thing is certain: we need to be sure to look out for the well being of our rising generation, and need to make sure they are healthy and well!

Posted on

Deciding to Homeschool: Marianne’s Story

Teaching full time can be a demanding job. Rewarding for sure, but definitely demanding. So what happens when the demands are too much and a teacher’s health is taking a toll? For one teacher, Marianne, it meant taking a step back and stepping out of the role of classroom teacher and into the role of homeschool teacher for her own children. I had a chance to ask Marianne a few questions about her experiences in both public and home school. Here’s what she had to say!

When you were teaching in the public school system, what grade(s) did you teach?

I taught a mild/moderate special ed class with kids from kindergarten to 6th grade on my caseload. 

What is something you miss about teaching in a public school?

Hmm …. I miss many of my students. There were a lot of really special kiddos that I got to work very closely with. It was so fun and rewarding to see them struggle and work so hard with something and then having it click. That lightbulb moment is super amazing! 

I made a lot of good friends with many of the other teachers. I miss those friendships that helped me through those years teaching in public school. I looked up to, admired and valued many of their opinions and thoughts. 

What influenced your decision to leave teaching in a public school full time?

The stress, the hours, and not feeling supported by some administrators was taking a huge toll on my health. I needed to decrease my stress so that I could be healthy. 

What influenced your decision to teach your children at home rather than send them to a public school?

My oldest was getting ready to enter kindergarten when we were in the middle of the Covid 19 pandemic. My husband and I didn’t want her first introduction to school to be under such stressful and unknown circumstances. I have a sister who had mentioned homeschooling years before and so that thought was already there. We decided that we would try it for kindergarten and see how it went. Homeschooling ended up being a great fit for my daughter and our whole family. I loved getting to have that time with her and that I got to experience those amazing lightbulb moments with her. All the stress, hard work, and sacrifice was worth it for us. Every year we evaluate if homeschooling is still the right fit for our family and so far it’s been a yes every year. 

What are some of your favorite things about homeschooling? 

I have so many favorite things! I love the researching, the planning, the time spent with my kids, the crafts, the books, the lightbulb moments. It has truly been a positive experience for us. Now that isn’t to say it’s been easy or we haven’t had whining and complaining… we have oodles of that. Some days the school bus looks kind of tempting, but really when I look at the last 5 years I wouldn’t change the decision to homeschool. 

There has been a recent increase in the number of students being home taught. What do you think are the reasons for this increase?

I think there are a lot of reasons. Some reasons may be because of the increase of school violence and shootings. Some people don’t agree on topics and curriculums being used. Those reasons feel more fear based, but they are reasons. 

Some other reasons that there could be an increase could be just that homeschool is talked about much more and is becoming much more “normal.” I think that during the pandemic a lot of people realized that there were a lot more options available for their children’s education than they ever knew about. I think there are more resources, more coops, more groups, more options available and it is letting parents customize the education that fits best for their child. 

Some people have some misconceptions about homeschool. What would you tell someone who is feeling negatively toward homeschooling? 

I think I would ask the person if they genuinely want to know more about homeschooling to change those feelings. If so, find a homeschool family and ask them about it. I don’t know a single homeschool parent who isn’t willing to talk about to people. What things are specifically bothering you about homeschooling? Get answers to those questions. If you don’t really want to change those negative feelings, just leave homeschool families alone.

Lastly, what advice would you give to someone who is considering homeschooling their children?

Do it! It’s going to feel overwhelming, but there are so many people and resources out there to help if you want to. Also write down the reasons why you are homeschooling and refer back to those in the hard days that bound to come. 

Thanks, Marianne! What a neat experience for her and her family to get to share those learning moments together. How cool is it that she gets to do what she loves with those she loves the most? A rewarding experience, for sure!