Category: Parent Support

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What to do When Your Kid Won’t go to School

I have a kid who really struggles some mornings with wanting to go to school. Once he is there, he’s happy, helpful, and eager to learn. He has friends, gets along with everyone, and loves his teacher. It’s just the getting him there that is hard. I mean, I get it. Staying home and relaxing is pretty inviting— especially on these cold mornings! This particular child has struggled with this since preschool. I love that he wants to be home and wants to be around me, but I also know the importance of school. There is so much he gets from school that he wouldn’t get at home hanging out while mom works and does laundry. 

Last week I had to run something over to my preschooler at the school. I mentioned to the preschool teacher that I was frustrated with my second grader for refusing to come to school that day. She knew exactly what I was talking about— he was in her class when he was a preschooler, and she remembered many mornings when he fought going to her class. Without hesitation, she sprung into action. She asked who is current teacher is, and told me she would get in touch with her and make a plan. 

Today, I got an email describing a plan they had created that would hopefully help encourage my son to more willingly go to school. For every day that he goes to school without a fight, he gets to check off a box on a chart. Once he has filled in five boxes, he will get to spend 20 minutes in the preschool class helping the teacher and students. It’s brilliant! He is totally pumped about this plan, and is especially excited that he will get to go help in the preschool when his younger brother is there. It’s a win-win all around!

Now, I know this story is about my child, but I also know that I’m not the only parent who has a kid who struggles to want to go to school. I know my son’s teacher isn’t the only teacher who is trying to help their student feel loved and supported at school. I also know that coming up with a solution or a plan can feel overwhelming. Sometimes you don’t know where to start. 

So what do you do with a student or child who just doesn’t want to go to school? Below are a few ideas and steps to take if you find yourself in this situation!

  • First, find out why there is hesitation to go to school— are they being bullied? Are they scared or worried? Do they not understand what they’re being taught? Do they just really like to be at home? Are their favorite pants dirty and they don’t know what to wear? Did they forget to do their homework and are afraid of getting in trouble?
  • Once you identify the why, determine if the teacher needs to be involved. Obviously if there is bullying or curriculum concerns happening, contacting the teacher is crucial. 
  • Figure out what will motivate your child/student.
    • Create a sticker chart and work toward a reward.
    • Give the child a role or purpose at school that they need to be present for. 
    • Allow your child to take a “brave buddy” with them in their backpack— a small stuffy or object that will help them feel brave. 
    • Purchase or create some kind of matching bracelet or necklace— one for them to wear and one for you to wear so they can feel connected to you while they are away.
    • If you’re comfortable with it, draw a small heart or smiley face on one hand, and one on your child’s hand. Remind them that if they feel sad or miss you while they’re at school, they can look at or touch the little drawing and remember that you love them. 
  • Offer positive reinforcement and feedback! Praise your child for being brave and doing something that is hard for them. Make sure they know you are proud of them, and help them to feel proud of themselves.
  • Always listen to your intuition. Parents know their children best, and generally can tell if something is amiss. 

Having a child who fights going to school can be hard. It can be frustrating. I get it. But it is worth the fight to get them to school. Education is so important, and the earlier kids can understand that importance, the better!

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Parent Involvement and its Benefits

There are many different types of parents/guardians. They can range from the completely uninterested and uninvolved to the epitome of a helicopter parent, and everywhere in between. I don’t think there’s one “right” or “wrong” way to parent; everyone has their own style, and it often varies from kid to kid. There are obviously parents who are on the extreme ends of the spectrum, but I think that as long as you’re providing your children with the essentials— food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, and love— and not harming them, you’re doing a-okay. 

But I’m not here to tell you how to parent, or even to offer parenting tips and strategies. I’ll leave that to the parenting experts. I will, however, explore how parental involvement, or lack thereof, can impact a child. There are a lot of things that contribute to a child’s success and confidence, and parental involvement is pretty high up on that list. Before we dive into the why behind it, I want to add a disclaimer that I know not all kids have a parent present in their lives. I understand that all families are different. For the purposes of this article, I will use the term “parent” to describe any adult who is a guardian or caregiver to a child, in any capacity. 

Having the support of a parent figure can, and does, positively impact how a child performs in many areas of their life. Knowing that there is an adult who loves and supports them gives a child an increased sense of safety, belonging, confidence, and assurance. It’s similar to a tightrope walker knowing there is a safety net under them; they know if they fall, there will be something there to catch them and keep them safe. Kids who have positive adult supports know that there is someone there to catch them and help them. Being a child’s safety net is an important role. 

In my experience as a teacher, I noticed a large discrepancy between my students who had little to no parental support and those that did have parental support. I’m sure you can guess, but my students who didn’t have much support at home struggled academically. They often had lower grades, would struggle to keep up and learn the material, and often would be disorganized, unkempt, and would also frequently have behavior problems. On the other hand, students who did have parental support typically had higher grades, a more positive attitude, and less behavior problems. 

As I’ve thought about the why behind these discrepancies, I’ve realized that there’s not just one reason why parent involvement can impact a child so deeply. But what I do know is that if a child has someone at home who doesn’t show interest in what’s going on at school and isn’t aware of what’s happening in and out of school, that child is more likely to stop caring as well. If there isn’t anyone at home to answer to, many children see that as an opportunity to give minimal effort. I believe that often times, these decisions to not try or to act out in school or other areas are cries for help— a cry that they hope will gain any amount of attention from their parental figure(s). 

The reasons parents might not be involved can vary just as much as the types of parents out there. Some parents might not be involved by choice. Perhaps their parents didn’t care much about their academic success, and they choose to continue the cycle with their own kids. Involvement requires effort, and for some parents, it’s an effort that is beyond what they can or want to put forth. Other parents might find themselves in the midst of things out of their control— things like health problems or work responsibilities— and may wish that they were able to be more involved and present. Parents who have been pulled away from their children due to custody issues, incarceration, or other legal issues can find it difficult to be involved with their kids. Whatever the reason, these examples of lack of involvement can all have a negative impact on a child’s success to one degree or another. 

On the other hand, there are parents who are actively involved in their child’s life. They are at parent-teacher conferences, performances, games, concerts, appointments, and programs. They ask questions and are aware of the who, what, where, when, and whys of their child’s life. They help with homework and take interest in what they child is learning at school. They know about the report they are writing for English or the experiment they did in Biology that day. They chat with their kids while they make dinner, fold laundry, or drive to practice. The kids of these parents know that their parent(s) have their backs, and that they are willing to put forth the effort to help them succeed; those efforts are reflected in grades, confidence, and attitude. 

Now, I understand that not all parents are able to be involved in every second of their child’s life. I know that not all parents can make it to every game or performance. This doesn’t make them a bad parent. It doesn’t make them uninvolved. You can be an involved parent without being physically present at every event. Involvement looks different for every person. For some, it does mean attending everything. For others, it means asking questions and being aware. It can look like helping with homework in the evening. It can even look like a FaceTime call during an award assembly. You don’t have to be a helicopter parent to be involved. BUT— you do have to put forth some effort to be an active part of your child’s life. 

However you choose or are able to be involved in the life of your child, make it count. Make sure your child knows you support them, love them, care for them, and are there for them. Foster positive relationships, and you will create a bond that is strong between you and your child. No parent is perfect, and no parent can be to all the things all the time. But if there is a little effort involved, your child will feel it, and the positive impact will make itself known for years to come. 

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Homework?! Ugh! Is It Even Worth It?

I’ve seen a meme going around that says something along the lines of, “If you hated homework as a kid, you’ll hate it even more as a parent!” If you are a parent or caregiver of a school-aged kid, you may understand just how true that statement can be. You know what I’m talking about— the nagging your kid to get it done, the whining that ensues, the time management balancing act that happens. It can be a lot for some households. 

This struggle begs the question: is homework even worth it? If it is just one more thing to add to the list of things to do, is it even worth the time and energy it takes to get it done? Are students even benefitting from it?

The short answer is sometimes. The long answer is a bit more complicated and has a lot to do with what the assignment is and what skills a student is using or gaining by doing it. If the assignment is just filler work that doesn’t practice any skills learned beforehand in class, homework isn’t going to accomplish much, and will likely leave both the student and the parent frustrated. 

But… if the assigned homework truly is an extension of what was learned in class, employs useful skills, and isn’t just a time filler, homework can indeed have some benefits. Let’s explore some of them— and maybe I might convince a few nay-sayers that homework can be at least a little bit helpful.

Benefit #1: Additional Practice

Additional practice time can provide kids with the extra practice they need to really understand a concept. Sometimes all it takes for a kid to “get” it is a little additional time working on it. If they already understand a concept, extra practice never hurts, and can help solidify the knowledge in their mind. Reading homework is especially beneficial, as reading skills are something that will be used their entire lives and are always useful. It never hurts to improve!

Benefit #2: Less Stress

Doing work at home can often be less stressful for kids, as they are in their own environment where they (hopefully) feel safe. Usually at home, the time constraints aren’t as tight, thus providing kids with a less rushed experience. When they are able to slow down and really focus on what they are doing, they are able to work more effectively and, oftentimes, more accurately. For students who, for a myriad of reasons, don’t like to ask for help at school, doing work at home can help them to feel safer asking for help from a parent.

Benefit #3: Time management

Managing time can be a tricky skill for kids to learn. This can be especially true for younger kids, as their brains can’t quite comprehend time and scheduling things. They tend to look at the now rather than a few hours ahead, and don’t understand that if they do “fun” things first, they have to still fit in their homework, dinner time, and night time routine. 

Having homework can help them learn how to better manage their time. Parents can use it as a tool to teach their kids how to schedule their time effectively so that they have time to do all the things they want to do and need to do.

Benefit #4: Time with a parent or caregiver

Homework can open opportunities to allow kids and their adults to have time together. Sure, sometimes that time can be stressful, especially if homework is involved, but the time spent working one on one is never wasted. Oftentimes, parents know how to reach their kids better than the teachers do. This can help students to understand concepts in a new or different way. Parents can also provide useful tricks and tips that helped them in school. I still remember working with my mom and grandma to memorize all 50 state capitals in fourth grade— they came up with fun mnemonic devices to help me remember what I needed to— most of which I still remember today. They provided me with really helpful tools to accomplish what I needed to, and as an added bonus, I got extra time with my mom and grandma. It was a win all around!

While I know homework can be a divisive topic, with not everyone agreeing on its benefits, hopefully I’ve shed some light on the topic and have helped you see it in a different way, and maybe, just maybe, convinced you that homework isn’t totally useless!

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Letting Kids Fail

My third grader is given a weekly homework sheet, with one side math practice and the other reading practice. Sometimes the reading assignment is to read a passage and answer some comprehension questions, and sometimes it involves reading as much of a passage as possible in one minute, on four separate occasions, while having an adult follow along and count any errors made. The teacher sends the paper home on Monday, and it is due on Friday. With four days given to finish the assignment, you’d think it wouldn’t be a problem to complete it. 

By Thursday night, after my husband and I have both asked (and offered to sit down with him while he does it) our son what feels like 182 times to get his worksheet done, we are tired of asking and have started to feel like we are nagging him. One week last month, he dragged his feet, as usual, and was in a panic on Thursday night when he still hadn’t finished his assignment. Of course it was a week where he had to read a passage four different times, and we were running out of time. Around 10:00 pm, we finally just told him to go to bed and we could try again in the morning. 

Morning came, and he still had zero interest in finishing his work. Out of time and energy, I told him to put his paper in his backpack and just turn in what he did have done. We talked about who was responsible for the assignment being incomplete, and what he needed to do about it. He admitted it was on him, and that he should have done it when we first asked him to. I sent him out the door and hoped for the best.

The protective mom in me wanted to keep him home until he finished it so that he wouldn’t lose points on the assignment. How could I let my own child fail? He’s only nine, after all. As I battled internally for a few minutes, a little voice inside reminded me that failing is part of life. We all have to learn by failing at some point in our lives. Is it a hard lesson to learn? Absolutely. Is it a necessary lesson to learn? 100%. 

As a mom and former teacher, I know how hard it is hard to watch the kids you love fall short. It’s hard to watch them struggle. When our kids are younger, we are there to swoop in and fix things for them. We keep them in a little bubble of sorts to keep them safe and protected. But as they get older, we can’t continue to solve all their problems and keep them in a bubble. As parents (and teachers), it is our job to set up our children for success in life, and one of those crucial lessons to teach is that failure is inevitable, and that it’s okay to fall short sometimes. We must give them the tools they will need for when they do fail so that they can appropriately adjust and find ways to regroup, rethink, and try again. 

So while I wanted desperately to save my son from not getting full points on his homework assignment, I also wanted desperately to teach my son that our actions and choices very often determine our success, and that failure is part of life. I wanted him to know that it’s not the end of the world to mess up on one assignment, and that he could try again next week, learning from his previous experience. I wanted him to know that how we handle failure is important and how we choose to do better the next time is what matters the most. 

As parents and teachers, we’re faced with some pretty tough internal battles. We naturally want to protect the kids we love, but also need to remember that sometimes too much protection and sheltering ultimately doesn’t help, but hinders. We must find a balance between the two and hope we are giving our children and students what they’ll need to succeed in school and in life.

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Internet Safety: Why it Matters

When I was in high school, the internet was just starting to really gain traction and become useful. Honestly, I still used my super awesome Encyclopedia Brittanica CD-Rom or a physical book for my research projects. I had to sit an listen to the obnoxious dial up noise while I waited for my computer to connect to AOL, and was very limited in my time online— because when your phone line and internet line are the same, you had to hurry so people could get through if they needed to call someone at your house. 

The internet was so new that we didn’t really understand the dangers that could be lurking with one single click. We were blissfully ignorant to those kinds of things. Public chat rooms were my favorite place to go online. I would spend as much time as possible chatting away with complete strangers, often sharing details about my physical appearance, location, age, grade in school, and so on. Yikes! 2025 me is appalled that 1997 me was so naive and open with people I didn’t even know. No one is at fault here; my parents and I didn’t know any better back then, but I can’t help but think about how unsafe that was. Knowing what I know now, I will make sure my kids know how to be cautious when online. 

Teaching internet safety begins at home. Today’s kids are exposed to the internet long before they even step foot into a school setting. Gone are the days where a computer had to be stationary; kids today have access to the internet via so many methods– iPads, phones, laptops, Chromebooks, tablets, and so on. Parents have a responsibility to teach their children what is and is not okay when it comes to online habits. Thankfully today, parents can set filters on their computers and phones. While these filters are not fool-proof, they do help. Online content can be sneaky and can find a way around filters— and so can kids who are determined to bypass them. 

Kids need to know what kinds of words to use in their searches. They need to know what kinds of websites and images are safe to explore. They need to know how to get out of an inappropriate website if they somehow stumble upon one. It’s imperative that kids today understand the dangers of interacting with strangers, and that they know to never give out personal information online. 

So how do parents and teachers go about teaching these kinds of skills? We model them! We allow our kids to be on the internet while we sit next to them, coaching them on what search terms to use, what websites are okay to go to, and so on. We let them sit by us as we are online, so they can see how we safely use the internet. 

Another way to teach internet safety is to talk about it regularly. We talk about the red flags, the kinds of words that will generate inappropriate search results, the kinds of things strangers might say if they are grooming a child, and so forth. Having open conversations about things that can potentially be a danger will help kids and teens to be more aware as they are online, and it will also help your kids to feel more comfortable coming to you on the chance that something does go wrong or does pop up. 

We ought to be careful to do our best to not make the internet sound like a super scary and terrible thing. Rather, we teach that it is a useful tool and amazing place that has potential dangers, and what we can do to protect ourselves if/when faced with them. 

In school, teachers and counselors can show videos or slide shows illustrating things kids might come in contact with. Librarians can help students understand what a reliable website might look like and how to detect false information. Students can be aware of their surroundings and can help to alert teachers if they see something amiss with their own computer or a classmate’s. 

The internet isn’t going away, and people with wrong intent will only get smarter and sneakier. Filters and “safe” phones can only stop so much. This means that we as parents and educators need to be sure that we are giving today’s youth the tools they will need to safely navigate a digital world. Together, we can arm kids with the power to conquer the malicious workings of those that aim to harm today’s kids. Together, we can be a force for good.

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Winter Break Blues

The holidays are over, the excitement has died down, and you still have several days left of winter break. Routines are out of whack, kids are riding on a post-holiday sugar rush, the days are all blending together, and parents are completely and utterly exhausted. Maybe that’s just happening at my house? Just my kids? Hmmm. Well, at any rate, I’m sure there are at least a couple of you out there that understand the winter break blues. 

When the days are cold, there’s not any snow to play in, but the backyard is muddy from the rain storm a few days ago, what do you even do with your kids? Here’s a few ideas to try that will hopefully let you regain some of your sanity and provide your kids with something fun to do. Oh, and as a bonus, your kids just might learn something while they play, too!

Color Scavenger Hunt

This activity is great for kids of any age, and can be done while you sit and catch up on laundry, clean the bathroom, cook dinner, or even sit and read a book. Pick a color, then send your kids on a mission to find something in the house that is that color and bring it to show you. The catch? They can’t make a mess, can’t bring you something that is breakable, and must put the object away where it belongs before moving on to the next color. This game is simple, requires no set up, and is easy for all ages. A win-win all around!

Picture Hide and Seek

This does take a little bit of prep work, but I promise it’s worth it and your kids will love it. Print off or draw several small pictures and cut them out individually. Next, create a paper that has the same pictures, or, if your kids can read, write the names of the objects you have printed or drawn. Then, hide the individual pictures around the house. Depending on the ages and abilities of your kids, you can choose how difficult it will be to find the pictures. Give each of your children a copy of the paper that has all of the pictures on it and send them on their way! To make it more challenging, give them a time limit. To make it easier, have them work in teams to find the pictures. There are many ways you can adapt this activity to fit the needs and ages of your children. You can do all themed pictures— sea animals, foods, sports, cartoon characters, etc. Another way to do this activity is to put your older children in charge of drawing and hiding the pictures for their younger siblings. So many fun ways to play!

Click the button below to download and print a copy of the Hide and Seek I created. Print one page to cut up and hide, and one copy for each child that will be participating. If you want to repeat this activity another day, I suggest putting your children’s copies in a sheet protector so that they can be reused. (Please only print and use for personal or classroom use.)

Picture Hide and SeekDownload

Letter Scavenger Hunt

This is similar to the color scavenger hunt, but instead of assigning your kids a color to go find, have them find an object that begins with a letter of your choice. The same rules apply— no messes, no finding something breakable, and everything must be put away before moving on. This is a great activity for older preschoolers or younger elementary aged kids who are learning beginning sounds and letters.

Rhyming Game

Another twist on the color or letter scavenger hunt, this game requires your kids to find something that rhymes with a word that they are given. Say you give them the word “cat”. They must then search the house to try find an object that rhymes with that word— perhaps a hat, a bat, or a mat. This variation is great for younger elementary kids and up who are able to rhyme.

Fortunately, Unfortunately

I wish I could take credit for this game, but I can’t. I saw this idea on Instagram @playfulheartparenting. This is another game that requires absolutely no prep work and can be done while you do just about anything. You start the game by saying, “Unfortunately, …” and fill in the blank with some sort of ridiculously silly situation. Your child then counters back with, “Fortunately, …” and fills in the blank with another silly situation that “fixes” the situation you presented them with. You continue this, countering back and forth, building a silly story together. This gets kids thinking outside the box and gets them to think about how to respond to a funny situation. It might look something like this:

“Unfortunately, I got a flat tire on my way to the dentist.”

“Fortunately, I was almost there and my dentist used his tooth fixing tools to fix my tire.”

“Unfortunately, he didn’t clean his tools after he fixed the tire, and then used them to fix my tooth.”

“Fortunately, I have a super strong immune system and the dirt and germs didn’t make me sick.”

“Unfortunately, though, the tools were black from fixing my tire, so now my teeth are black.”

And so on. You can continue this game for as long as you wish. You can establish ground rules such as no making fun of other people, no naughty or potty words, and nothing about hurting other people or yourself. It is a game that is totally customizable for your family and your needs. It’s fun and gets everyone laughing. 

Hopefully these ideas give you something to do over the next few days of winter break. If anything, hopefully they will allow you to slow down and enjoy some time with your kids before you send them back to their teachers!

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Overbooked and stressed out: Are we doing our kids a disservice?

Every parent wants to raise confident, well rounded children. We want to give our children the growing up experience they deserve. So many parents want their children to play a sport, learn a musical instrument, be at the top of their class, and be involved in other school sponsored extra curricular activities. And while all of these activities are good things to want your child to be involved in, at what cost does that involvement come? Are we overbooking our children, causing them to be stressed out and too busy? 

There are many benefits to having your child involved in extra curricular activities. Those activities can teach children things that just can’t be taught as well in the classroom— things like how to be a good sport, being part of a team, and how to manage your time effectively. Friendships can form. Kids can learn to be disciplined and what it takes to improve at something. Music lessons can help students in their academic studies and can boost creativity. Martial arts can help kids learn self defense, respect, and determination. Extra curricular activities are also a great way to boost confidence in children and teens. They can see their hard work pay off and they can feel good about their accomplishments. 

But what happens when the extra “stuff” becomes too much? Parents want their children to be involved and to develop their talents, but it often comes at a cost. Kids need time to just be kids. They need time to decompress from their day, and need a chance to slow down. If they are overbooked with extra activities and responsibilities, those chances to slow down become few and far between. Oftentimes, we see academic success and progress suffering at the hand of too many extra curricular activities. Opportunities for non-extracurricular social interaction lessen. Sleep deprivation can come into play when students are so overbooked that they don’t get to their homework until late at night, which then can bleed into poor academic performance because their young brains are not functioning at full capacity when they are already tired and overworked, not to mention the toll that poor sleep habits have on cognitive function during the daytime. 

I am constantly in awe and disbelief at the teenagers in my neighborhood. They are all doing incredible things, and it is remarkable to see their talents bloom. That being said, I know it comes at a great cost. One girl a few houses down from me is a competitive dancer. After school most days of the week, she heads from school to home, just to turn around and head to the dance studio for the next few hours of her night. On Wednesdays, she finishes dance at 6:30, then promptly heads to her church congregation’s youth activity for the week, which usually lasts until 8-8:30. Once that is over, she can head home and do her homework and get some down time before heading to bed just to start it all over again the next morning. I’m exhausted just writing this! 

I don’t know if there are any easy solutions to this dilemma. What I do know is that young minds are precious and should be treated with care. It is essential to find a decent balance between being involved and being too involved. For some families, that may look like cutting out extra curricular activities all together. For others, it might mean cutting back on how many extra activities they are involved in, or maybe cutting back from participating in competitive teams and sticking only to school or city recreation teams. Some families may have magically figured out the perfect routine and balance that works for them (lucky!). 

Whatever the case may be, there is much to be considered when putting children and teens into extra curricular activities. There really isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. But one thing is certain: we need to be sure to look out for the well being of our rising generation, and need to make sure they are healthy and well!