Tag: life lessons

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What I Wish I Would Have Known

It’s graduation season! It’s a bittersweet milestone, but is definitely one to be celebrated. I remember my graduation day, and remember feeling so anxious but excited. I had my whole life planned out, and I was just sure it was going to go exactly how I wanted it to: go to college with my best friend, find a good guy and get married by 23, graduate as a nurse, have some kids, and so on. Boy was I in for a surprise when my plans didn’t follow that timeline, nor did most of my plans actually happen. I went to a different college than my friend, switched majors from nursing to elementary education, back to nursing, then eventually got my degree in secondary education. I didn’t get married until I was 30, and the kids came soon after that. As I think back and reflect on how the last 23 years of my live have gone, I’m glad my original plans didn’t follow my timeline. I would have missed out on so many things that were crucial to me becoming who I am today. But man, sometimes I wish I could go back and tell my naive 18 year old self a thing or to to give her some advice and encouragement about the future.

I figured other people might feel the same way, and might have something to say to their 18 year old selves. I asked several people what they would tell themselves, if they knew then what they know now. The answers ranged from the silly and light hearted to the serious and profound. So seniors, this one’s for you– a little advice from people who have been there, done that, and want to pass on some words of wisdom!

  • Don’t rush growing up. You will never have it all figured out.
  • Trust your gut.
  • Travel more, work hard, don’t spend more than you earn, save, believe, and invest in yourself.
  • Every life event and breakup led me to my husband and life I have today, and I wouldn’t change that.
  • At 18, I didn’t know it would take me 10 more years to get married. Don’t worry about that.
  • Don’t open a credit card— save for what you want/need.
  • Love YOUR life. Don’t worry about what others say or do. Let them live the life they want. You choose you!
  • It’s okay to not know what you want to major in. It’s okay to switch majors— college is an investment. Make sure you are getting out of it what you want.
  • Not all friendships will last past graduation. That’s ok. There’s new friends out there.
  • You are worth it. You matter.
  • If college isn’t your thing, it’s ok. It doesn’t have to be. 
  • Spend time with those you love.
  • Never miss a chance to say thank you or I love you.
  • Take the risk— if it works out, awesome! If not, you learned from it and are better for it.
  • Make the effort to study and challenge yourself.
  • Advice given by others is second, learn to hear your own voice first and loudest.
  • It’s worth hanging around to see how the story ends.
  • The smart thing to do and the right thing to do are very rarely the same thing to do. But it never changes what the right thing to do is. Choose what is right. Always.
  • Take more pictures.
  • Always trust your instincts.
  • Apply for all the things! Enjoy everything!
  • Feeling dread all the time isn’t normal— it’s ok to get help if you need it.
  • Keep doing what makes yourself proud.
  • You’ll have so much more fun and peace if you don’t stress about dating. Don’t rush it!
  • Give yourself some grace.
  • You don’t have to have it all figured out at 18. The best is yet to come!
  • It’s ok to not know what you want.
  • Work on yourself— make yourself the kind of person you want to be.
  • Don’t be afraid. Go for it. If you fail, then try something else.
  • Try to save money.
  • Be smart with money.
  • Get the degree. Be able to support yourself.
  • If your friends are dragging you down, ditch them.
  • Don’t settle for less!
  • Be flexible— sometimes things don’t go the way you hoped they would, and you have to adapt and adjust. 
  • Look for the good in people.
  • Look for the good in every day. 
  • Be patient and the right partner will come when you are doing what you need to be doing.
  • Focus on figuring out what you want to do and work towards that goal.
  • Be gentle on yourself. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.
  • You are doing amazing things.
  • You can do hard things.
  • Everyone you come across is fighting some kind of battle you know nothing about. Be kind.
  • Be patient with yourself and with others. We’re all doing the best we can.

Take a minute and reflect on your graduation day– what would you tell yourself?

Congratulations to the class of 2025! You did it!

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Letting Kids Fail

My third grader is given a weekly homework sheet, with one side math practice and the other reading practice. Sometimes the reading assignment is to read a passage and answer some comprehension questions, and sometimes it involves reading as much of a passage as possible in one minute, on four separate occasions, while having an adult follow along and count any errors made. The teacher sends the paper home on Monday, and it is due on Friday. With four days given to finish the assignment, you’d think it wouldn’t be a problem to complete it. 

By Thursday night, after my husband and I have both asked (and offered to sit down with him while he does it) our son what feels like 182 times to get his worksheet done, we are tired of asking and have started to feel like we are nagging him. One week last month, he dragged his feet, as usual, and was in a panic on Thursday night when he still hadn’t finished his assignment. Of course it was a week where he had to read a passage four different times, and we were running out of time. Around 10:00 pm, we finally just told him to go to bed and we could try again in the morning. 

Morning came, and he still had zero interest in finishing his work. Out of time and energy, I told him to put his paper in his backpack and just turn in what he did have done. We talked about who was responsible for the assignment being incomplete, and what he needed to do about it. He admitted it was on him, and that he should have done it when we first asked him to. I sent him out the door and hoped for the best.

The protective mom in me wanted to keep him home until he finished it so that he wouldn’t lose points on the assignment. How could I let my own child fail? He’s only nine, after all. As I battled internally for a few minutes, a little voice inside reminded me that failing is part of life. We all have to learn by failing at some point in our lives. Is it a hard lesson to learn? Absolutely. Is it a necessary lesson to learn? 100%. 

As a mom and former teacher, I know how hard it is hard to watch the kids you love fall short. It’s hard to watch them struggle. When our kids are younger, we are there to swoop in and fix things for them. We keep them in a little bubble of sorts to keep them safe and protected. But as they get older, we can’t continue to solve all their problems and keep them in a bubble. As parents (and teachers), it is our job to set up our children for success in life, and one of those crucial lessons to teach is that failure is inevitable, and that it’s okay to fall short sometimes. We must give them the tools they will need for when they do fail so that they can appropriately adjust and find ways to regroup, rethink, and try again. 

So while I wanted desperately to save my son from not getting full points on his homework assignment, I also wanted desperately to teach my son that our actions and choices very often determine our success, and that failure is part of life. I wanted him to know that it’s not the end of the world to mess up on one assignment, and that he could try again next week, learning from his previous experience. I wanted him to know that how we handle failure is important and how we choose to do better the next time is what matters the most. 

As parents and teachers, we’re faced with some pretty tough internal battles. We naturally want to protect the kids we love, but also need to remember that sometimes too much protection and sheltering ultimately doesn’t help, but hinders. We must find a balance between the two and hope we are giving our children and students what they’ll need to succeed in school and in life.