Tag: bullying

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Bullying is Never the Answer

If you’ve been in the classroom for any length of time, you have likely witnessed first hand just how mean and destructive bullies can be. It’s a problem that seems to have existed for as long as humans have been around, and it doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. In fact, it’s becoming more prominent with social media being so accessible. Students need to understand  that bullying is never ok and is never the answer. The repercussions of being the target of a bully are long lasting and can be quite detrimental to a person’s health, confidence, and self image. 

As teachers, it is crucial that if we see something, we say something, and that we teach our students to do the same. We need to teach our students what bullying is, what it can look like, how it feels to be the victim, and how to address it when/if we see it happening. I found a few picture books that did a great job of teaching these concepts— take a look!

Giraffe is Left Out written by Sue Craves, illustrated by Trevor Dunton

Giraffe, Little Lion, and Monkey are all friends. When Leopard moves into their class, Giraffe is not excited. He does not want to let Leopard join their friend group, and purposely excludes Leopard from any and all activities. Leopard is sad and feels left out. When it comes time to pass out invitations to his birthday party, Leopard gives one to everyone else, but doesn’t give one to Giraffe. Now Giraffe is the one who feels left out. Soon, he begins to understand just how mean it is to leave people out, and he learns that Leopard is actually a really good friend. Giraffe mends his ways and becomes a friend to Leopard in the end.

I liked how this book showed that excluding people is a form of bullying, and that it can be hurtful to others.

Billy Bully by Alvaro & Ana Galan, illustrated by Steve Simpson

When Billy Bully comes to the playground to play with the other kids, he takes over and makes the fun go away. He takes toys, cuts in line, pushes, breaks others’ things, tricks people, and won’t take turns. No one wants to play with him. With every mean thing he does, another kid leaves the playground. Soon, he is left with no one to play with, and he starts to realize that the things he was doing weren’t nice. One by one, he goes to his friends and apologizes and makes up for the things he had done. Soon, all the kids have come back to play together.

The illustrations in this book are so cute, and the story is easy to follow. There is also a counting element as Bully’s friends leave and come back one by one. I loved how it depicted several ways that someone can be a bully to help kids understand that bullying can take on many forms.

Eddie the Bully written and illustrated by Henry Cole

Eddie is mean, mean, mean. He says unkind things about his friends, teases them, ruins their art projects, and more. No one likes to play with him. He’s always picked last for teams, left out of the fun, and ignored. When Carla, a new girl, moves into their class, she is assigned to sit right next to Eddie. Everyone expects Eddie to say and do mean things to her, but before he has the chance, Carla compliments Eddie on his sweater and tells him that everyone must want to be his friend! Eddie is unsure what to say to this, because he knows that it isn’t true. Carla asks Eddie to help her make new friends, and Eddie agrees. He quickly learns that it feels good to be nice, so he changes his ways and starts over, this time, being a friend to everyone.

Similar to Billy Bully, this story shows different ways that bullying can happen, helping kids to understand that bullying isn’t just one thing.

Bullies Never Win by Margery Cuyler, illustrated by Arthur Howard

Jessica is a first grader who worries about a lot of things, one of which is Brenda, a girl at school who likes to bully and be mean. Brenda finds a way to make fun of everything Jessica does, so Jessica slowly stops doing all the things she loves to do. Jessica finally has had enough and breaks down crying to her mom. Her mom suggests that she stand up for herself or tell their teacher. Jessica is worried about what she will do or say to Brenda to make her stop being a bully. The next day at lunch, Brenda continues to tease and say mean things. Jessica has had enough, and stands up and tells Brenda that, “… bullies never win!” Brenda is embarrassed and doesn’t say anything else to Jessica. That night, Jessica feels proud of herself for standing up to Brenda.

I loved how this story showed how to stand up to a bully. It was an empowering story!

Bully written and illustrated by Jennifer Sattler

Bully is a bull frog, and he wants all the lily pads on the pond all for himself. He won’t let any other pond friends eat them, smell them, or look at them. Soon, he has chased everyone away and is all alone. There is only one flower left, and he wants it just for himself, so he sits on it to protect it. A bee comes up to him and tries to save the flower by reminding Bully that he’s sitting on it. Bully is mean and asks the bee what he’s going to do about it. The bee has an idea, and buzzes away to gather his friends. Together they reclaim the pond and chase Bully away. The lilies begin to grow again, and the pond is back to its thriving self. Bully moves to a new pond, but is sad to see that it’s just a pond of mud, and he is all alone. Still, all he cares about is that the pond is all his.

This story showed that it can be powerful to stand up to a bully as a group— strength in numbers. 

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Bullying is never the answer, and students need to know that. These books do a great job of teaching that and showing that bullying can take on many forms. Bullying is a problem that many kids will face, either directly or indirectly, and it’s important that students be equipped with the tools they need to stand up to bullies and speak up when they see it happening. We may not be able to completely eradicate bullying from our schools, but we can certainly make a difference by teaching our students to respect and watch out for one another.

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Bullying: An Epidemic

One of the jobs of a teacher is to make their classroom a safe place for all students— a place where kids can come and feel like they belong, matter, and are heard. Most teachers I know of do a pretty good job at that, or at least trying their best to do so. Unfortunately, there are some kids who are pretty good at taking a safe place and making it feel not so safe by being a bully. And, equally as unfortunate, these kids are usually sneaky in their ways, often getting away with their behaviors until a situation becomes more serious. 

Bullying isn’t a new problem— it’s an issue that has been present in schools as long as schools have been around, and I don’t see it going anywhere anytime soon. As teachers, we have the responsibility to keep our eyes and ears open and to intervene any time we become aware of a bullying situation. We cannot turn a blind eye to this problem. 

So what can we do? To start, we can teach kindness and acceptance in our homes to our own children as well as to our students in our classrooms. We can encourage students to talk to a trusted adult when they see or hear bullying behaviors or when they are the victim of those behaviors. We can make our selves more aware of what is going on around us. Getting to know our students helps in several ways— it creates a relationship of trust and also can help us notice if something seems “off” or different. We need to be active listeners, doers, and watchers within the walls of our classrooms and our schools. 

If we do become aware of a problem, we can involve administration if needed. Beyond discipline, most admins will be willing to come into your classroom and talk about bullying and the problems it can cause— and the consequences that may result. 

Last school year, my second grader came home one day and told us that a classmate had been mean to him verbally and physically. We talked through the situation and discussed how he can handle it if it happened again. Unfortunately, it did continue happening. My son said he had told the recess aid whenever it would happen, but nothing changed. At this point, I emailed his teacher and explained what had been happening. I was so impressed with how she handled it; it was immediate and firm. She set up new class guidelines and made sure her students knew that she would not tolerate any kind of mean behavior in her classroom. She let them know that if she heard or saw anything happening, there would be immediate consequences and that the principal would become involved. She instituted a kindness challenge where students were given a grid of kind things to do for others. Once they had completed all the tasks on the grid, they could bring their paper back for a prize. Not only did she address the issue of bullying, she went a step further and encouraged all her students to be kinder and more patient with one another. Thankfully the problems my son was experiencing stopped, and the rest of the school year was just fine.

I know not all bullying situations are resolved as quickly and easily as my son’s was. I know for some students, it goes on for weeks, months, or even years, slowly eating away at the victim’s mental health and self esteem. It takes a toll. 

Cyber bullying is becoming more prevalent as technology continues to evolve. Kids (and sadly, even adults) can hide behind a screen and target individuals. Information spreads quickly via the internet, and can be done without the victim ever knowing who the bully is. This kind of bullying is dangerous and scary. It is also cowardly, as the bully doesn’t even have to come face to face with their targets. They can hide in the comfort of their own homes while slowly destroying someone else’s life. 

I don’t know that there are any easy or sure fire solutions to this epidemic happening in our schools. But I do know that we as teachers can make a difference by being alert, attentive, and aware of what is happening around us. We can be proactive by teaching and encouraging kindness. We can be assertive when we notice something happening and get those involved the help they need. While we may not be able to rid the world of bullying, we can certainly start a change within our own classrooms.

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Anti-Bullying Resilience Skills: A Work In Progress #TeacherMom

My almost 8-year old recently came home sharing how she has been struggling with another kid in school that has been teasing her. She described the embarrassment she feels when he does this, and the way it often embarrasses and upsets her classmates as well.

After listening, I asked her if she’d like to watch a video about how we might respond to bullies. She agreed, so we watched this one by Brooks Gibbs that I’ve shared here before:

Our favorite part was when Brooks responded to “You’re ugly!” with, “You have the face of an angel, sweet-cheeks” (it’s now an inside-joke we share, quoting it pretty much daily).

We talked about everything Brooks explained: power, not playing the game, resilience, not caring what others think. It all seemed straightforward enough.

But as much as my daughter enjoyed and seemed to understand the video, she still had some hang-ups on all those concepts. Responding that way seemed too embarrassing. And how could she really just not care about what other kids think?

And it hit me. Even with all the love and support my daughter receives, this still gets really complicated for our kids when it comes to the actual process of building resilience skills. It takes a lot more than the occasional fun pep talk and advice. Building resilience skills is hard, messy work.

So here’s what our process looked like:

First, we discussed weighing the embarrassment. “Would you rather respond in a way that might make you feel a little hesitant or embarrassed now, but that will get the bully to stop in the long-run, OR would you rather just keep feeling humiliated and embarrassed again and again and again as the bully decides he/she can get to you?”

Second, we rehearsed some role play, as advised by Josh Shipp. It actually surprised me how tricky this was in practice, which is probably why Josh describes the kinds of responses we shoot for as counter-intuitive. So, we went with the baseline bully insult, “You’re gross!”

Response idea #1: A casual, “Hm. I don’t think so.” But we realized that the bully might take that response as an argument and feed off it (“Well, I think so because I KNOW so!”)

Response idea #2: A passive, “Ok.” But then we realized that the bully could still possibly take that as, “Oh, she doesn’t know what to say? Let’s do it AGAIN!”

Response idea #3: With a smile, “Yeah, sometimes I do do gross things.” We knew we were on the right track there, because it shows the bully she’s not bothered by the insult. Of course, we continue to joke about adding, “You have the face of an angel, sweet-cheeks.” 

Best part was when she came back and told me she has been training all her friends at school on these concepts! She specifically told them that when they respond with, “Stop, you’re hurting my feelings,” that bullies love that (Brooks’ hilarious bully voice: “That’s the point, stupid“). They even practiced role-playing together!

I know this is the first of many resilience skills-building sessions we’ll need to have. But I’m grateful to understand now the way we need to go deeper and work through a messy but worthwhile process!

featured image: DeathToTheStockPhoto

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3 Timeless Lessons From “The Yellow Star” About Cyberbullying

The “Yellow Star” by Carmen Agra Deedy beautifully illustrates the legend of King Christian X standing with his Jewish people by wearing a yellow star during Nazi occupation.

And while the Danish Jews were never actually forced to wear the star, confirmation of the king’s support for his Jewish people have surfaced, including “substantial evidence that the King actually suggested the idea of everyone wearing the yellow star should the Danish Jews be forced to wear it.” (source)

Legend or not, this 20th century story highlights timeless lessons of humanity that we find especially applicable to the 21st century subject of cyberbullying.

  1. Teach Solidarity

“Early in the year 1940…there were only Danes. Tall Danes, stout Danes, cranky Danes, even Great Danes.”

We must actively teach our students that what we have in common outweighs our differences. Cyberbullying offers a shroud of anonymity that can tempt some people to forget that a living, feeling human being is on the other side of that unkind post or dehumanizing poll. We can bring that shroud out of obscurity by directly talking about it. About digital citizenship. About the human experience. And about whether it’s really worth making someone else feel like they don’t belong.

  1. Teach Courage

“If you wished to hide a star,” wondered the king to himself, “where would you place it?” His eyes searched the heavens. “Of course!” he thought. The answer was so simple. “You would hide it among its sisters.”

I recently came across a disturbing article about a poll for the ugliest girl at a high school. And though the young woman who was targeted responded courageously, I was left wondering how each kid involved in that poll could have acted with more courage, too. How can we teach them to take initiative and take a stand, even if it isn’t very popular? I believe it starts with us. We need to model the courage to stand up and say no, even in a society that often turns “cruelty into entertainment and sport.”  

  1. Teach Empathy

“What if the good and strong people of the world stood shoulder to shoulder, crowding the streets and filling the squares, saying,’ You cannot do this injustice to our sisters and brothers, or you must do it to us as well.’ What if?”

Empathy requires us to truly reach other people. It rejects in-group/out-group. It embraces vulnerability and imperfections. It places genuine value on every human being. Cyberbullying creates in-group/out-groups. It exploits people’s vulnerabilities and imperfections. And it tears apart the self-worth of everyone it can. We need teachers who will dare to voice exactly what cyberbullying is all about, “Go[ing] beyond praising the right behaviors — proactively counteract[ing] the forces that stand in their way. This is where standing up, not just standing by, comes in.” (“Empathy: The Most Important Back-to-School Supply”).

King Christian X’s Jewish people may never have been forced to wear the yellow star, but his solidarity, courage, and empathy are likely what prevented that unjust mandate to begin with. What could these three qualities do for your students, your school, and your community?

Image credit: the lost gallery