Category: Mental Health

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Overbooked and stressed out: Are we doing our kids a disservice?

Every parent wants to raise confident, well rounded children. We want to give our children the growing up experience they deserve. So many parents want their children to play a sport, learn a musical instrument, be at the top of their class, and be involved in other school sponsored extra curricular activities. And while all of these activities are good things to want your child to be involved in, at what cost does that involvement come? Are we overbooking our children, causing them to be stressed out and too busy? 

There are many benefits to having your child involved in extra curricular activities. Those activities can teach children things that just can’t be taught as well in the classroom— things like how to be a good sport, being part of a team, and how to manage your time effectively. Friendships can form. Kids can learn to be disciplined and what it takes to improve at something. Music lessons can help students in their academic studies and can boost creativity. Martial arts can help kids learn self defense, respect, and determination. Extra curricular activities are also a great way to boost confidence in children and teens. They can see their hard work pay off and they can feel good about their accomplishments. 

But what happens when the extra “stuff” becomes too much? Parents want their children to be involved and to develop their talents, but it often comes at a cost. Kids need time to just be kids. They need time to decompress from their day, and need a chance to slow down. If they are overbooked with extra activities and responsibilities, those chances to slow down become few and far between. Oftentimes, we see academic success and progress suffering at the hand of too many extra curricular activities. Opportunities for non-extracurricular social interaction lessen. Sleep deprivation can come into play when students are so overbooked that they don’t get to their homework until late at night, which then can bleed into poor academic performance because their young brains are not functioning at full capacity when they are already tired and overworked, not to mention the toll that poor sleep habits have on cognitive function during the daytime. 

I am constantly in awe and disbelief at the teenagers in my neighborhood. They are all doing incredible things, and it is remarkable to see their talents bloom. That being said, I know it comes at a great cost. One girl a few houses down from me is a competitive dancer. After school most days of the week, she heads from school to home, just to turn around and head to the dance studio for the next few hours of her night. On Wednesdays, she finishes dance at 6:30, then promptly heads to her church congregation’s youth activity for the week, which usually lasts until 8-8:30. Once that is over, she can head home and do her homework and get some down time before heading to bed just to start it all over again the next morning. I’m exhausted just writing this! 

I don’t know if there are any easy solutions to this dilemma. What I do know is that young minds are precious and should be treated with care. It is essential to find a decent balance between being involved and being too involved. For some families, that may look like cutting out extra curricular activities all together. For others, it might mean cutting back on how many extra activities they are involved in, or maybe cutting back from participating in competitive teams and sticking only to school or city recreation teams. Some families may have magically figured out the perfect routine and balance that works for them (lucky!). 

Whatever the case may be, there is much to be considered when putting children and teens into extra curricular activities. There really isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. But one thing is certain: we need to be sure to look out for the well being of our rising generation, and need to make sure they are healthy and well!

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Deciding to Homeschool: Marianne’s Story

Teaching full time can be a demanding job. Rewarding for sure, but definitely demanding. So what happens when the demands are too much and a teacher’s health is taking a toll? For one teacher, Marianne, it meant taking a step back and stepping out of the role of classroom teacher and into the role of homeschool teacher for her own children. I had a chance to ask Marianne a few questions about her experiences in both public and home school. Here’s what she had to say!

When you were teaching in the public school system, what grade(s) did you teach?

I taught a mild/moderate special ed class with kids from kindergarten to 6th grade on my caseload. 

What is something you miss about teaching in a public school?

Hmm …. I miss many of my students. There were a lot of really special kiddos that I got to work very closely with. It was so fun and rewarding to see them struggle and work so hard with something and then having it click. That lightbulb moment is super amazing! 

I made a lot of good friends with many of the other teachers. I miss those friendships that helped me through those years teaching in public school. I looked up to, admired and valued many of their opinions and thoughts. 

What influenced your decision to leave teaching in a public school full time?

The stress, the hours, and not feeling supported by some administrators was taking a huge toll on my health. I needed to decrease my stress so that I could be healthy. 

What influenced your decision to teach your children at home rather than send them to a public school?

My oldest was getting ready to enter kindergarten when we were in the middle of the Covid 19 pandemic. My husband and I didn’t want her first introduction to school to be under such stressful and unknown circumstances. I have a sister who had mentioned homeschooling years before and so that thought was already there. We decided that we would try it for kindergarten and see how it went. Homeschooling ended up being a great fit for my daughter and our whole family. I loved getting to have that time with her and that I got to experience those amazing lightbulb moments with her. All the stress, hard work, and sacrifice was worth it for us. Every year we evaluate if homeschooling is still the right fit for our family and so far it’s been a yes every year. 

What are some of your favorite things about homeschooling? 

I have so many favorite things! I love the researching, the planning, the time spent with my kids, the crafts, the books, the lightbulb moments. It has truly been a positive experience for us. Now that isn’t to say it’s been easy or we haven’t had whining and complaining… we have oodles of that. Some days the school bus looks kind of tempting, but really when I look at the last 5 years I wouldn’t change the decision to homeschool. 

There has been a recent increase in the number of students being home taught. What do you think are the reasons for this increase?

I think there are a lot of reasons. Some reasons may be because of the increase of school violence and shootings. Some people don’t agree on topics and curriculums being used. Those reasons feel more fear based, but they are reasons. 

Some other reasons that there could be an increase could be just that homeschool is talked about much more and is becoming much more “normal.” I think that during the pandemic a lot of people realized that there were a lot more options available for their children’s education than they ever knew about. I think there are more resources, more coops, more groups, more options available and it is letting parents customize the education that fits best for their child. 

Some people have some misconceptions about homeschool. What would you tell someone who is feeling negatively toward homeschooling? 

I think I would ask the person if they genuinely want to know more about homeschooling to change those feelings. If so, find a homeschool family and ask them about it. I don’t know a single homeschool parent who isn’t willing to talk about to people. What things are specifically bothering you about homeschooling? Get answers to those questions. If you don’t really want to change those negative feelings, just leave homeschool families alone.

Lastly, what advice would you give to someone who is considering homeschooling their children?

Do it! It’s going to feel overwhelming, but there are so many people and resources out there to help if you want to. Also write down the reasons why you are homeschooling and refer back to those in the hard days that bound to come. 

Thanks, Marianne! What a neat experience for her and her family to get to share those learning moments together. How cool is it that she gets to do what she loves with those she loves the most? A rewarding experience, for sure!

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Avoiding Teacher Burnout

Rather than doing traditional student teaching, I opted to do an internship. Instead of taking over someone else’s classroom for a few months, I was hired as a full time teacher, with my own classroom, and my own classes. Thankfully I had a mentor teacher next door to me who was incredibly helpful, because that first year was a doozy. I had six classes of ninth graders and one class of mixed seventh through ninth graders. I remember asking myself several times during that first year, “What have I gotten myself into?! Am I even cut out for this?” I would often find myself overwhelmed with everything I needed to do. Between PLC meetings, IEP meetings, SEP conferences, student engagement, grading, lesson planning, and everything in between, I was quickly burning out. I had to learn how to balance it all so that I could continue doing my job effectively. Those things I learned in my first year of teaching carried me through many moments over the next eight years of my teaching career. 

One of the most helpful things for me to learn was to develop good relationships with your department and other coworkers. Utilize their experience. Having other adults to use as a sounding board, shoulder to cry on, or second mind to generate ideas is incredibly helpful. Find someone who is willing to give honest, constructive feedback— and then don’t be afraid to implement their suggestions! Be okay with asking for help, and with accepting help when it is offered. Creating a positive work relationship with those you work with is empowering and can help carry you through hard days.

Another thing I learned was that I needed to figure out how to balance things. I had to learn that I couldn’t do everything at once, and that I needed to prioritize my do to list. So instead of panicking that I wasn’t going to have my entire term planned out, I learned to be okay with planning out one unit at a time. Rather than trying to frantically try to get all seven classes’ essays graded within a few days of there due date, I allowed myself some extra time so that I could really focus on each paper and give meaningful feedback. Accepting that some things just might have to be set aside for a short time allowed me to really focus on what was most important. 

Flexibility is something that is absolutely crucial in teaching. Rarely do your days and your lessons go exactly how you have planned them to go. And that’s okay! Learning to be flexible can lessen stress. Some days you just have to let go of the lesson you had planned and really learn to feel out what your students need the most. That might mean eliminating an activity all together, altering an activity, or completely changing the lesson you had planned. I recall one day in particular when I had to completely abandon my plans for the day and restructure what we were going to do. One of my classes had learned it was my birthday. I can’t recall all the details of how it happened, but they had gone in on a birthday cake and decorations for me. So rather than sticking to the lesson I had planned, I allowed them to throw a birthday party for the first part of class. I can’t imagine how sad they would have felt if I had not been flexible that day and had shut their efforts down. It ended up being a special class period for all of us.

Something else that helped me avoid burn out was learning to leave work at work. Instead of bringing 150 essays home to grade at night, I trained myself to use my prep period and other planning time more effectively. This allowed me to really separate work and home life. That isn’t to say that I never brought work home, because some times, I simply had to. But for the most part, I left my work at work so that I could be 100% present at home. 

Lastly, one of the most important things I learned to help me avoid burn out was to laugh. Relax and have fun. Remember that your students can bring so much joy. When I would remember that my “why” was my students, I would feel so much better about my job. I thoroughly enjoyed laughing with my students and having fun with them. I can’t imagine a day without laughter in my classroom. Some days, it really is what saved me and kept me going. 

There is so much expected of teachers that burn out is a real concern. However, if teachers are proactive about it, and really put in the effort, the feelings of burn out subside, allowing teachers to feel more confident and in control. 

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Do Kids Need Mental Health Breaks Too?

My second grader woke up today and decided school was just not in his plans for the day. No amount of reasoning, talking to/with, bribing, or explaining could convince him to go. Not even my husband, who can usually reason with him, could convince him to go. He’s our most social kid, who loves to learn, loves his teacher, and loves to be with his friends, so we knew something was going on. When I finally got him to talk to me about why he didn’t want to go, he admitted, “I just feel sad for some reason. I don’t know why. I just feel sad today.” And so here we are, having a mental health day, allowing him to process and feel his feelings.

I think that sometimes, as adults, we assume that kids don’t feel as deeply as we do. But the reality of it is, is that they do feel deeply, and some days, those feelings are just too big. Don’t we as adults have those kind of days? And aren’t we as adults allowed to take a sick day for a mental health break? So why shouldn’t kids be allowed the same?

Anyone, of any age, can benefit from a mental health day every now and then. Sometimes, our mind just needs a break to get back on track. I realize there are some days we have to just push through, and there are days our kids have to just push through. But if the circumstances allow, a mental health day can be extremely helpful. 

Some might argue that missing any amount of school will lead to a student falling behind. While it is true that there will be work to make up, one missed day here and there likely won’t be detrimental to the student’s overall success. Another point to consider with this argument is that students who are mentally overloaded are likely to tune things out or lose interest and therefore not perform at full capacity. 

Others may say that allowing students to miss school for mental health will teach kids that they don’t have to do hard things. I do agree that students need to learn how to do hard things, because life is just that way. Sometimes we simply have to do the things we don’t want to do. However, allowing a student to take a day off to tend to their mental health sends a message that taking care of our minds is just as crucial as taking care of our bodies. It helps kids see that mental health matters, because it does. 

Mental health is talked about more today than ever before. When we realize that it isn’t just adults who struggle with mental health problems, our eyes are opened and we become more sensitive to the rising generation and their mental health concerns. Because they matter. Their health— physical and mental— matters. It’s our job as adults to teach our kids and our students helpful techniques to handle challenges when they arise. Giving them effective tools to manage their feelings can greatly help them now and in the future.