There are many different types of parents/guardians. They can range from the completely uninterested and uninvolved to the epitome of a helicopter parent, and everywhere in between. I don’t think there’s one “right” or “wrong” way to parent; everyone has their own style, and it often varies from kid to kid. There are obviously parents who are on the extreme ends of the spectrum, but I think that as long as you’re providing your children with the essentials— food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, and love— and not harming them, you’re doing a-okay.
But I’m not here to tell you how to parent, or even to offer parenting tips and strategies. I’ll leave that to the parenting experts. I will, however, explore how parental involvement, or lack thereof, can impact a child. There are a lot of things that contribute to a child’s success and confidence, and parental involvement is pretty high up on that list. Before we dive into the why behind it, I want to add a disclaimer that I know not all kids have a parent present in their lives. I understand that all families are different. For the purposes of this article, I will use the term “parent” to describe any adult who is a guardian or caregiver to a child, in any capacity.
Having the support of a parent figure can, and does, positively impact how a child performs in many areas of their life. Knowing that there is an adult who loves and supports them gives a child an increased sense of safety, belonging, confidence, and assurance. It’s similar to a tightrope walker knowing there is a safety net under them; they know if they fall, there will be something there to catch them and keep them safe. Kids who have positive adult supports know that there is someone there to catch them and help them. Being a child’s safety net is an important role.
In my experience as a teacher, I noticed a large discrepancy between my students who had little to no parental support and those that did have parental support. I’m sure you can guess, but my students who didn’t have much support at home struggled academically. They often had lower grades, would struggle to keep up and learn the material, and often would be disorganized, unkempt, and would also frequently have behavior problems. On the other hand, students who did have parental support typically had higher grades, a more positive attitude, and less behavior problems.
As I’ve thought about the why behind these discrepancies, I’ve realized that there’s not just one reason why parent involvement can impact a child so deeply. But what I do know is that if a child has someone at home who doesn’t show interest in what’s going on at school and isn’t aware of what’s happening in and out of school, that child is more likely to stop caring as well. If there isn’t anyone at home to answer to, many children see that as an opportunity to give minimal effort. I believe that often times, these decisions to not try or to act out in school or other areas are cries for help— a cry that they hope will gain any amount of attention from their parental figure(s).
The reasons parents might not be involved can vary just as much as the types of parents out there. Some parents might not be involved by choice. Perhaps their parents didn’t care much about their academic success, and they choose to continue the cycle with their own kids. Involvement requires effort, and for some parents, it’s an effort that is beyond what they can or want to put forth. Other parents might find themselves in the midst of things out of their control— things like health problems or work responsibilities— and may wish that they were able to be more involved and present. Parents who have been pulled away from their children due to custody issues, incarceration, or other legal issues can find it difficult to be involved with their kids. Whatever the reason, these examples of lack of involvement can all have a negative impact on a child’s success to one degree or another.
On the other hand, there are parents who are actively involved in their child’s life. They are at parent-teacher conferences, performances, games, concerts, appointments, and programs. They ask questions and are aware of the who, what, where, when, and whys of their child’s life. They help with homework and take interest in what they child is learning at school. They know about the report they are writing for English or the experiment they did in Biology that day. They chat with their kids while they make dinner, fold laundry, or drive to practice. The kids of these parents know that their parent(s) have their backs, and that they are willing to put forth the effort to help them succeed; those efforts are reflected in grades, confidence, and attitude.
Now, I understand that not all parents are able to be involved in every second of their child’s life. I know that not all parents can make it to every game or performance. This doesn’t make them a bad parent. It doesn’t make them uninvolved. You can be an involved parent without being physically present at every event. Involvement looks different for every person. For some, it does mean attending everything. For others, it means asking questions and being aware. It can look like helping with homework in the evening. It can even look like a FaceTime call during an award assembly. You don’t have to be a helicopter parent to be involved. BUT— you do have to put forth some effort to be an active part of your child’s life.
However you choose or are able to be involved in the life of your child, make it count. Make sure your child knows you support them, love them, care for them, and are there for them. Foster positive relationships, and you will create a bond that is strong between you and your child. No parent is perfect, and no parent can be to all the things all the time. But if there is a little effort involved, your child will feel it, and the positive impact will make itself known for years to come.